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My Campaign Promise to YOU

My promise to the good hard-working people of California is to eliminate the corruption and treachery that pervades politics, end the selling off of our cities to the special interests, solve our financial crisis, and regain confidence in California politics.  As a wise being once said "The politics of failure have failed.  We must make them work again".

My first goal as governor will be to eliminate the corruption and negativity that pervades politics.  This includes abstaining from negative attacks on political opponents, which I vow not to do.  My opponents have done nothing but attack me from the start.  They say I'm too ugly, too stupid, too unqualified to be governor.  But I won't fall into this trap of political posturing.

Gray Davis

My first move as governor would be to oust all members of the former tyrannical regime of Gray Davis.  Clearly he is responsible for all of California's problems and it is time for a change.

Cruz Bustamante

Cruz Bustamante is nothing more than a larger Gray Davis.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Schwarzenegger is nothing but a womanizing disrespectful sex addict as can be seen from his recent interview in Oui magazine:  http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/arnoldoui1.html.  He claims to be pro-environment but owns a Hummer.  His father was a friggin' Nazi.  Do we really want a Hollywood phony as our governor?  Republicans have sold their soul by backing him.  I will not sell mine!  Can you imagine the GOP attack ads against me, your humble servant, if I was a group-sex participant and son of a Nazi?

Tom McClintock

Then there's McClintock - this guy is just boring.

Arianna Huffington

Is it just me or does this crazy woman always seem like she's in a "huff" about something?

My next move as governor would be to end ties to special interest groups.  I will not sell out!  I refuse to accept contributions for any reason from anyone, except the following honorable organizations:

A special thanks to my campaign contributers:

Enron

Chevron-Texaco

3-Com

California Teacher's Union

Faux News

Gay Steel Workers of America

Women against Gays Foundation

Gays For a Womanless Society

Indian Gaming Commission

Aryan Brothers United

Shaq & Kobe

I pledge to solve the budget crisis.  As Arnold Schwarzenegger said, the politicians are addicted to spending and should go to "an addiction place".  I will cut spending, cut taxes for hard-working Californians, increase spending on education, health, infrastructure, and all important groups who need money, and pay off debt.  It's simple.  Californians don't want taxes and bureaucracy.  They want low taxes, good schools, clean air, and family values.  I will provide all of these things.