Buck Maxner - President
Dr. Buck Maxner spent 19 years in ivy league schools before deciding on a career in politics. He has a PhD in Applied Socio-Political Economics. Among his many accomplishments was the reduction of nearly 20% of the "No Standing" signs in Detroit, MI. He last ran for office during the 2003 California Governor race, in which he conceded defeat and spent the final days of his campaign boldly serving as an advisor to Gary Coleman. He is single and has no children, allowing him to dedicate 100% of his time to our great nation. While John Kerry claims to "have a plan", Buck Maxner has many many many plans.
Gill Biffits - VP
Critically praised and highly regarded by his own family, Gill Biffits has pledged to serve the Maxner/Biffits team by spending the most amount of time doing the least amount of work possible. While his political views often differ from Dr. Maxner's, Mr. Biffits believes this to be an advantage as it truly makes the ticket "fairly balanced". Mr. Biffits holds a degree in English in which he is also fluent. Currently he does not have a girlfriend, which apparently makes him single.
Peytair Ungarten - Treasury Secretary
Peytair Ungarten was born in Wiener, Germany and raised in Coeur D'Alene, ID. He has been included on the Maxner/Biffits ticket for 3 important reasons. First, his heritage will bring in the German-American vote, critical in a tight race which we fully expect it to be. Second, he has a youthful clean-cut appearance. Third, his experience duping taxpayers out of their money, screwing government workers out of their pensions, and developing creative accounting techniques will be invaluable as future Treasury Secretary.
Grab Bardiner - National Security Advisor
Grab Bardiner is dedicated to the job of protecting America from the communists. 'Nuff said.