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Family Values

"Abortions for some, and miniature American flags for everyone!"

- Senator Kang (or was it Kodos?)



The Maxner/Biffits team believes in protecting a woman's right to choose, except when she has been impregnated by an alien.  In this case, she would be subject to rigorous medical tests by the government.

Gay Marriage

We support the right for a man or a woman to marry whoever or whatever they want, as long as it's done in Canada, Utah, or Yakima, WA.

Marriage Penalty

We believe in re-instating the marriage penalty, but only for good-looking couples, since they are exponentially and unfairly advantaged over ugly couples.  Bald men or women will receive a tax credit.

Gay Marriage Penalty

Those marrying outside of Canada, Utah, or Yakima will have to pay a 0.5% surtax for the calendar year in which they get married.